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When you look at how high the divorce rates are currently, it’s hard not to see that marriages can be very difficult to sustain. The question is why?

I mean let’s look at the battle between the commitment required to keep a marriage working and the societal pressures of doing do.

Women are far more independent now than ever before & there is a growing emphasis on feminism, which in some respects makes it’s tougher for men. Some men have a view of what role they want their wife to fulfil. Some women also have a definite view of the role they want us guys to play. This, in many instances, creates conflict.

How do couples handle money within their marriage. Do they have joint bank or separate bank accounts? Do they know what each one earns? Who pays for what? How do they split up household chores and duties?

Generally, both spouses are working full time so how you each spend your time & split things up between you is a real challenge. Does your wife like you spending time with your mates? Do you go on weekends away & have time away from each other? All of these are contributing factors to either a healthy marriage with longevity or early divorce.

Part of living in SA is that jobs are scarce, and the word ‘retrenchment’ is becoming more and more prominent. So many of us have to work long hours to the detriment of our family life and this really affects how ‘happy’ things are at home. We can’t exactly tell our bosses to get stuffed, so we have to suck it up…all so we can keep our job. It’s very difficult to juggle everything these days.

There is a view that marriage is meant to be bring a never-ending bond and a constant feeling of love for one another but there are constant battles around finances, sex & children. Marriage for the most part is more of an economic union where adults can achieve a thriving middle-class lifestyle. One of the advantages of being married these days is having 2 salaries to live off.

Marriage has always been difficult when it comes to managing time & spending time together – careers and the huge focus on children have meant that a lot of married couples spend little to no time with each other, which has a damaging effect. Life is so hectically busy so it’s important to schedule in date nights with your wife…and even schedule in sex!

A level of complacency can easily creep into your relationship and with both spouses having to work these days and with kids having extremely busy schedules, the marriage can end up taking a back seat. Couples seem to feel that it’s too much of an effort to keep that spark, that was there in the beginning of the relationship, alive. The spark is so vital to having a healthy, sustainable partnership. Our chicks are always wanting us to be more romantic and attentive which adds even more pressure to the 24/7 rat race.

The world is chaotic and single people are largely fearful of committing due to the divorce rates that we constantly hear about. It leads to one searching for this perfect person – someone who frankly doesn’t exist. Every culture also has a different view on the roles that each gender needs to fulfill. I mean you could meet the women of your dreams, but she may have a completely different view on how marriage is meant to be.

It’s quite tough being a guy these days. You want to be the breadwinner and take care of everything but it’s a constant balancing act. Are you in a relationship & afraid of taking the plunge? Or are you married & juggling it all?

Let us know in the comments section below.

Remember you can reply anonymously below, so don’t be afraid to tell us your story!

SLEB

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