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There are a couple of things I remember clearly from my childhood. One of them is that my old man completely dominated the TV remote and dictated the family TV viewing schedule. There was an established hierarchy in my house and the TV viewing set-up was a really simple one – you watched what the old man was watching. Finished and klaar! If he got up to make a cup of coffee or went to take a leak and returned to find the channel had been changed, the sting of his wrath would be felt long into the rest of the week. The good news is that I now have my own house with my own TV, but there has been a power shift over the years. Unlike my old man, my TV remote dominance has been wrestled away from me. I’m desperate, but I fear I’m not alone.

Do you remember when man was the king of his castle and the TV remote his sceptre? Can you picture it in your mind’s eye? A cold beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other is what made us feel like real men in our own homes. It’s the ability to be able to park off on the coach and burn through hundreds of channels at lighting speed before settling on something random like “Real Life Encounters With Dangerous Humboldt Squid” that I miss the most!

Do you remember killing hours or even days in front of the TV, with nobody to answer to?

What happened to those days?

How is it that a trusted relationship with your TV remote, built up over a decade or more can just end? Over the years your remote has been there for you every evening after work and you’ve been there for it when it was feeling a little flat and needed a couple of fresh Duracell batteries. The weekends and holidays were pure magic, you lying on the sofa, the remote nestled up nice and close – It was a perfectly symbiotic relationship wasn’t it?

Then something changed…

We got hitched and most of us had kids, didn’t we?

The TV remote didn’t have a fighting chance, did it?

From the minute our better half entered our humble abode, the TV remote was in the firing line.

Why is it that every bro I speak to is enjoying less and less TV time?

It’s not a coincidence this is happening my brothers.

I think it’s a strategic plot by the women in our lives to take full CONTROL of the castle and the easiest way to start making that happen is to drive a stake through the heart of our TV viewing pleasure.

It doesn’t happen overnight! That would be far too obvious and women are way too smart to give away the long-term strategy in week one.

It takes a few years for them to seize full control, but here are a few tell- tale signs your relationship with your TV remote will never be the same again.

  • You find yourself chatting to the ladies in the office about the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy
  • Watching highlights on the Supersport Blitz channel is the only time you get to watch sport. Why do you need to watch the entire game when you can catch the highlights? Your wife is feeding you with that BS, my friend.
  • Your wife has finally won if you have submitted and bought a Dual View decoder (you now have to sit in your own little corner to get your TV viewing kicks)
  • The last time you watched a superhero flick was a decade ago
  • You are watching so much MasterChef you actually find yourself doing the grocery shopping (just so you can find some new ingredients to put in your Cape Malay Boboetie )
  • Your spend your late nights binge watching stuff you get off flash drives from mates at the office
  • The last time you watched a National Geographic documentary, on predators eating stuff, was a decade ago
  • The last time you fell asleep on the couch with the TV on was a decade ago
  • Your wife sits with the remote on her lap in the evenings
  • Your kids wave the remote in your face and laugh at you

Gentlemen, enough is enough. It’s about time we started to wrestle some of that TV remote dominance back.

How much TV viewing time are you getting nowadays? We’re keen to hear from you.

SLEB

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