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You’ve got a buddy who is interested in picking up a chick, Friday night is on for the jol and while you are accounted for, he has asked you to strap on your fighter pilot helmet and be his “wing man” for the evening. The place is going to be teaming with dangerously flirtatious women, so it’s your duty to make sure he doesn’t crash and burn.

The term “wing man” is a relatively new bit of urban slang, but the selfless act itself has been around since the beginning of time really. It’s a simple guy code, right? Two mates are out on the town, one is looking to score, the other is giving his buddy every possible chance to get lucky. Straightforward? It should be, provided you never break a few golden wing man rules.

The wing man never scores the chick

Let’s assume the evening is rocking – the bar is packed, the vibe is great, and there are more woman in attendance than an Oprah Christmas Giveaway show. Your mate has locked his missile radar onto a stunning chick and the spade work has started in earnest.  As a good wing man, you are doing your bit, adding a little value by propping him up when he is feeling a little awkward, keeping the chat going and getting the drinks. Your mate is busting for a pee because he has guzzled a fair amount of beer, to loosen up, so he excuses himself to “go and test the plumbing” and on his return he finds you snogging his potential “score” with your hands half way up her top.

Not cool. The wing man never scores the chick! It’s the golden rule, and breaking it is a cardinal sin.

I don’t care if you believe your eyes locked in a magical moment and you know this woman is going to be the mother of your kids. Once a mate has his eyes locked on his target, for the evening, a Top Gun level wing man never ever takes down (or goes down) on the target.

The wing man keeps the conversation going but never takes over the conversation

Look, let’s be honest, the swashbuckling, new-chick-in-the-bed-every-weekend type of mates, generally don’t require wing men. They kinda fly solo because they have enough air miles under their belt. If a mate has asked you to be a wing man, it’s because he is probably a little “green” and needs your support. And that is exactly what the role is. It’s a support function. Part of that support function is to initiate and keep the conversation moving, but not to dominate the conversation and sideline your buddy. If you find that you are the center of the conversation you have flown too close and are in danger of f%$&ing up the maneuver. Pull back and let your buddy take the lead.

The wing man never gets fall-over drunk

Sure you are going to have a couple of drinks. The onus is on you to keep the evening moving in the right direction, but when the “support” function, you are meant to provide, has quickly become the responsibility of your mate, because you are hanging over the toilet bowl in the restaurant toilets hurling your guts out, you’ve properly derailed the evening. Of course, we have all got carried away at one point or another, but it should never happen when you are on ‘wing man’ duty.

The wing man always makes sure his buddy gets back to home base safely

Yes, I’m talking about the obvious here – you need to be the designated driver for the evening. Your mate might need a few beers to get his groove on, but we all know a few beers quickly leads to plenty beers and it’s your duty to make sure he doesn’t get into the cockpit of the car. And what happens if he does actually get lucky on the evening? A Top Gun level wing man will make sure that he has that scenario covered. She wants to go back to her place, you take his car home and arrange for a pick up the next morning when you get the WhatsApp message. If he is sober enough to drive and they are going back to his place, you pick up the phone and take an Uber home. Wait for the call the next morning and spot the guy for a breakfast, he will have plenty he wants to share with you.

It’s a true honour to be a wing man. Make sure you follow the rules and you will go down as the “best bud” ever.

Have any other great wing man tips or stories? Feel free to leave a comment below.

SLEB

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